Still on the wagon…barely

I’m now on day 4 of my Whole30 restart (which is only going to be a Whole12 because I’m stopping when vacation rolls around). The first 12 days flew by with no problem. I kept wondering when I was going to have some of the difficulties many people mention when doing the challenge. I wasn’t starving, hangry, or tired. I didn’t hate the cooking (just the cleaning) or get food bordem. I wasn’t really even tempted to cheat (except for breaking that last rule and stepping on the scale when I noticed my clothes fitting better). I was fired up, focused, and excited to continue my journey.

Then life happened and I put the program on hold for a week. I could have made better choices that week, but instead I chose what I’m dubbing “grief eating”. Frozen custard at 3 in the afternoon, late night cookies and milk with my sissy, donuts for breakfast, and a greasy, cheesy burger at Steak and Shake (did you know they have really good shakes there?*).

I promised myself that upon returning to real life this week, I would resume the program and assumed I would jump right back where I left off. Boy was I WRONG! I am just as dedicated to it as I was before, but man, this time is starting out much more difficult.

Example: Yesterday I had to verbally talk myself out of a candy bar. Seriously! I was standing in front of the vending machine, dollar in hand, and after a solid 2 minutes of internal turmoil, I finally said “I’m worth more than a 3 Musketeer.” It was a successful tactic to beat my temptation and also made me look a little crazy – since it was loud enough for the other person in the breakroom to hear (though she tried to pretend she didn’t). Small victories, right?

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I'm worth more than 240 calories, 36 grams of sugar, and creamy, chocolaty goodness. At least for the next 8 days...

I’m hoping to get back on the track I was on the first time. I’m afraid if I follow the typical time line, I won’t make it the rest of this week and a half before vacation. Between grieving and working and mothering and wife-ing, I may not have the mental capacity or strength to talk myself off the candy bar cliff next time.

But so far today, I haven’t wanted to kill anything, so maybe I’ll be ok after all…

*The newest inside joke in my family. Grammy took my siblings and me out to lunch and wanted to make sure everyone knew the shakes were “really good” by repeating it 4-5 times before we ordered. Even the lady at the table behind us was giggling!

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