The 7th Grade Science of Parenting

One of the last things my OBGYN said to me before discharging me to embark on this glorious world of parenting was this:  “I like to call the first child the great American experiment.” Thanks, Dr. B.

But after 19+ months, I’ve realized he’s right. Here’s how it goes. You get all this advice from family, friends, doctors, and Google, then you have to figure out what is going to work for your family.

• You create a hypothesis.
• You test it.
• You evaluate the results.
• You adjust accordingly based on your conclusion.

And you thought you’d never use the scientific method in real life. 

I’ve been doing this cycle for longer than I want to admit, with a full night’s sleep as the goal. Lately, my observations led me to begin a trial during which we do not turn the tv on until after the nugget is in bed. And so far, it had been working pretty well.

Enter March Madness. If you know me, you know I really like MM. And my son has inherited this from me. The kid LOVES “backey ball”. So I had to make a decision.

Stick to my experiment and miss a couple of games.
Give in and turn on the tube.

You can probably guess which option I chose by the mere fact that I’m writing this. We put the game on, and I proceeded to become a human basketball goal for my tiny tot for the next hour. When the tv would catch his eye, he’d turn around and snuggle into my lap to watch approximately 90 seconds before he would be back up and staring in his own game. Those moments of holding him and seeing how intently he was watching the game are moments I will cherish.

I realized I needed to savor that moment of happiness because I would probably need it in the middle of the night when he was crying and kicking Adam in the face. But the eternal optimist in me still hoped that maybe tv wasn’t the variable that was affecting his sleep. Maybe he’s just getting better at it. WRONG.

Maybe it is the tv being on. Or maybe it’s the stuffy nose. Or maybe there is zero correlation and it’s all dumb luck. But after last night, I just don’t have the energy to try and figure out if my experimental deviation was a failure or not.


Bath time backey ball


A Tale of Two Tenders

More evidence the hubs isn’t actively participating. Last night I was leaving the gym after work. Adam was already home with the kiddo, so I asked him what to pick up for dinner. After the usual back and forth of “I don’t care” and “Just pick something” (I swear, if we ever get divorced, it will be over deciding what or where to eat!), I said I had leftovers I could eat, so I would stop and get him and the nugget something at a drive-thru.

His pick? Popeyes Chicken.

My leftovers? Almond flour breaded, baked chicken tenders.

It was seriously all I could do not to tear into that box of greasy, fried goodness and macaroni and cheese on the drive home. Not that my meal wouldn’t be good, but it would be pale in comparison to what my family was about to eat. But I held strong, kept both hands on the wheel, and drove like hell to get that stuff out of my car!

We sat down at the table and the tiny one dove fingers first into the Mardi Gras Mustard spicy mustard dipping sauce. I don’t even think he wanted to dip his chicken in it – he pretty much just ate it with his spork. All I could think about was how terrible my night’s sleep was going to be with both of the men in my life having heartburn.

On a more serious note, I am currently wearing pants that haven’t fit comfortably in 6 months. After just 6 days on the program, I am feeling great and already starting to see results. What that tells me is just how terrible my eating habits must have really been.

Everything but the kitchen sink…

If you’ve ever done a Whole30, talked to some who’s done one, or read even just a little bit about it online, you know there is A LOT of cooking involved. The program prohibits any type of processed foods, and that rules out all the quick and easy meals I’ve been eating for the past, well, lifetime.

I know what you’re probably thinking. “You married a dude with a culinary degree. The cooking can’t be that hard.” But as I menitoned in my first post, he’s only mostly onboard – translate: he supports my ambition and will cheer me along, but he’s not really an active participant.

Evidenced by our Sunday lunch. I picked up pork chops for me and Oscar’s baby back ribs for him and the little guy. So while he’s chowing down on smoked, meaty heaven, I’m in the kitchen trying to cook my lunch. Have I mentioned I’m not that great at cooking? I have a few staples that I’ve perfected – of course none of those are Whole30 compliant.

Basically, he had the greatest lunch ever, and I had overcooked pork and undercooked butternut squash.

But I had cooked three pork chops and wasn’t about to throw them away. So I decided to experiment. I was already planning to try some new recipes Monday night, so while at the store, I grabbed an extra avocado and tomato. Threw those in the food processor with the pork and voila! Pork salad! It’s actually pretty tasty, if I do say so myself.

Now that I’ve set the stage, let’s get to the title of this post.

One of the biggest complaints I’ve read about the progam is all the food prep and cooking. I’m here to tell you the food prep and cooking is actually the FUN part. What REALLY sucks is having to clean up your kitchen afterwards!

I made my pork salad, paleo mayonnaise, and a zucchini based hummus recipe last night, leaving kitchen in shambles! I had mayo splattered up the cabinets, hummus on the floor, and even though I only used one plate, I was up to my neck in dirty dishes. All this while feeding, chasing, bathing, and rocking a toddler to sleep. Did I mention I also did a load of laundry-I might be done with my wife/mom duties for the rest of the week!

The worst part of the story is that the faucet in our kitchen has the worst water pressure. My handy husband tried to fix it this weekend and only made it worse. It literally drips into the sink when turned on full blast! The plumber came yesterday afternoon, but of course the part we need is out of stock. Just my luck.

So there I was. My child asleep at 8pm, my husband out having a guys night, and me in the kitchen – attempting to clean hummus out of a food processor using a drizzle of luke warm water. Safe to say my goal for the next few days until the sink is fixed is to not dirty a dish that won’t fit in the dishwasher.

Moral of the story: everything was great…but the kitchen sink. On the bright side, the hummus and mayo both get 2 thumbs up!

Thanks for reading. If you try either of the recipes, let me know what you think in the comments.


My yummy lunch with all 3 of last night's concoctions

A nice little weekend

When looking forward to the next the 30 days, I felt like my biggest risk for failure would be the weekends. Dinner and drinks with friends, afternoon snacks with my little nugget, and the donut table at church – so many temptations packed into 2 days.


My girlfriends and I went out Friday night for dinner, drinks, and a rocking 80’s cover band (which was just as fun sober). The menu at dinner didn’t lend itself very well to the program, so I felt like a jerk being so picky. Probably won’t be eating out much for the rest of the program.

Saturday we went on a bike ride with some family friends. It was such a pretty day and Bennett loved being pulled in his trailer.


The ride wore him out. Too bad those 15 minutes was the only nap he took the whole day.

Sunday marked Bennett’s first trip to the zoo! He loved seeing all the animals, and we bought a family pass, so we’ll be going back soon.

I also tried a new recipe tonight. Chicken and Bell Pepper Burgers. The execution needs some refinement, but the flavor was excellent. The avocado on top was just the right touch, and I didn’t even miss the bun.


All in all, this was one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time. Four days down, 26 to go.


It’s only 8am and I’ve already cheated.

It wasn’t intentional. I thought I was doing something good and making a banana/strawberry/spinach smoothie for breakfast (instead of my usual frozen waffle or sausage/egg/cheese biscuit). I opened the fridge and saw Bennett’s almond milk and thought “It’s not dairy” so I poured a little in – YUMMY! And then I saw the label. Second ingredient: cane sugar.

Crap. There was nothing I could about it now. I guess I could have tossed it and started over, but that seemed like a waste.

* First lesson learned: Read the label BEFORE you eat it.


I shared my first post on my Facebook and got a great response from my friends and family. Who knew so many of you have done or are doing the Whole30! It really inspired me to keep this up, and hopefully we can help each other along the way.

If you have experience with the program, I’d love to hear your thoughts, tips, yummy recipes, and more. Please share them in the comments for me and everyone else out there trying to get Whole.

The start of something new…

March 19, 2015.
A day of firsts.

I have exactly 30 days before my vacation to Florida and am not really thrilled with the prospect of being in a bathing suit in public right now. I joined a gym close to my office and have been going on my lunch hour a few times a week to do 30 minutes of cardio. I know that’s not going to get me where I want to be, but hey – it’s a start.

One of my main problems is that I know what I need to do, I just lack the self-motivation and accountability to actually do it. I started searching for a plan to get my diet on the right track and decided to give Whole30 a shot. It’s something that I was able to get my husband (mostly) on board with, doesn’t require extra expense, and it pretty cut and dry when it comes to the rules – all things that should make it easy to follow.

I woke up this morning excited to begin my new journey, but instantly began second guessing myself and wondering what I’d gotten myself into. I was trying to come up with ways to help keep me on track. I thought about keeping a food journal. I’ve tried it before – and to be honest – I tend to omit things that don’t look good on paper. So that’s out. I thought about coming up with a punishment for cheating, but I don’t want this to be a negative thing in my life. So what could I do to help keep me accountable?

I realized the most accountable I’ve ever been is when I’m part of a group or team that is helping cheer me on. That’s when I decided to blog my journey and hopefully get a few readers and followers to keep me inspired.

So here I am. Deciding to take on two things I’ve never really done before:

  • A strict dietary plan which cuts out all of my favorite foods (carbs, sugar, dairy).
  • And blogging. Documenting my life for the whole world to see.

Thanks for joining me on these new endeavors. I will try to keep it entertaining and informative, but most of all real. I’ll share my experiences with the Whole30 diet, but it won’t all be that. My family and life are pretty entertaining, too! Feel free to leave me comments and words of encouragement – Lord knows I’m going to need it!